Can a Regular Guy Make a Normal Woman Happy?

Okay I admit it. I am proud of this title. There is a whole lot there that should inspire some thought. You know. Like what is regular and normal and is someone supposed to make somebody else happy?

Well I think about it a lot and I talk about it with guys I know. It is even a harder question now because I am damaged goods and not sure if I could be that regular guy again even if I wanted. 

However I do think I was a regular guy at some point and I would have to say that most of my male friends have been regular guys so I will try to define it by sharing my experiences.  

As I was growing up I received no training in relationships.  My parents both worked but my Mother did the cooking and took care of me. I didn’t witness much love between my parents but they seemed to get along except I always thought my Father put up with too much ridicule and criticism from my Mother. 

As I got older it appeared that if you were a good athlete you won a pretty girlfriend. I didn’t see them having to work too hard and when they drove around the girls hung on them. I focused on my studies and graduated first in my class which I guess was a negative although I did also play football which should have countered that some but didn’t. 

Things changed when I went to college. I still had received no relationship training but I did fall in love for the first time. At that time I knew more about love I guess. She ended up going to a college far away so that ended and I met my future ex wife. We got married right after college. 
At that point I just behaved naturally. I worked hard and got promoted. We had kids right away and my ex stayed home to take care of them. I did not think of us as being in a relationship but rather that we were a family. I did not wonder if she was getting enough attention and we each got our own space naturally. I got flowers at the expected times and so forth. She will agree that we had a happy and comfortable marriage.  Maybe it was too comfortable. 

So again no training in relationships during any of that time. I will condense the rest. My ex wife had an affair with my narcissist supposed friend. You know the type. They are now by all indications unhappily married as she works trying to make him happy. I was in a relationship for 5 years with a narcissistic woman until I gave up trying to make her happy. She said that I was selfish and didn’t care about her needs. I tried but needed some space. I suggested that I would be okay if I had 8 hours per week to myself. She said that was a sign that I was pulling away and didn’t know how to be in a relationship. 

Well maybe that is true. I don’t know anymore. Nobody taught me or showed what you are supposed to do to make a woman happy.  This morning I have just been drinking coffee and writing in this blog which I couldn’t have done if I was still with my ex girlfriend. 

What I have observed is that most women married to regular guys are unhappy. A lot of them sure do want to have affairs.  Trust me on this one. In fact a regular guy I know had his wife leave him for a Prince Charming guy who then cheated on her. She has since gotten cancer and my friend got an apartment for her and takes her to her treatments. I guess he does it because he is a regular guy. 


2 thoughts on “Can a Regular Guy Make a Normal Woman Happy?

  1. I don’t think it’s just the women that are unhappy. A happy marriage needs communication, attention, effort by both and hopefully a lot of laughter. We get lazy, busy, tired and complacent.

    My parents were happily married for 42 years when my Mom died. I was blessed to see how wonderful a marriage can be. But there were good times and bad. Through it all, they always found ways to laugh and have fun together. My Dad clearly adored her and treated her like a queen. He is a regular guy but he made her feel special because she never ever treated him like he was regular. She believed he could do anything he set his mind to and that faith led to his success.

    While she always put us kids first and he is an amazing father, I think he put her first sometimes. And you know what? It’s not a bad thing because I never even realized it most of the time lol.

    Women like to feel like we come first, like we matter. I don’t know why. Once we are secure in that fact, a good woman is a lot kinder and understanding about a guy needing alone time and space. But we also need attention. For me that is no longer about materialistic, expensive gifts like when I was younger. It’s a sweet short note on scratch paper my H leaves in the morning. Or flowers from the grocery store just because. It really is the thought that counts to the right woman.

    Find a pretty, good, kind, mature and loving woman. Not a spoiled, materialistic prima donna lol. I’m very pretty but I always hope that my beauty comes from my beautiful heart. Well that and I have awesome boobs and big blue eyes lol.

    But seriously, yes you have been hurt and made some unwise choices probably to soothe your ego. That’s expected after what you went through. Just learn from your mistakes. You seem like a nice guy and a good dad. Don’t get wrapped up in if everyone thinks she’s gorgeous. It doesn’t really matter, as long as she’s gorgeous to you. Have a great weekend!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for the nice comment. I was never the kind of guy that needed a trophy but, like you said, they needed to be attractive to me. In fact I would say that my first serious girlfriend was probably plain by most standards. She didn’t wear makeup and acted in accordance with her principles which is what I loved about her. My ex wife is attractive but not in a trophy way. We just got along well but we both got complacent, and that is the right word, making her vulnerable to a little attention from a Narcissistic predator. We are on good terms and have talked plenty about what happened.

      But yes I was sucked in by the physical attractiveness and comparative youth of my ex girlfriend. It would be hard not to be when you are recoiling from being cheated on. The net result is I ended up doing more to try to please her than she deserved and did less than I could have or should have in my marriage.

      The whole thing has just left me uncertain but that is a common refrain from others with the same experience. However, your advice is sound! Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

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