Okay I admit it. I am proud of this title. There is a whole lot there that should inspire some thought. You know. Like what is regular and normal and is someone supposed to make somebody else happy?
Well I think about it a lot and I talk about it with guys I know. It is even a harder question now because I am damaged goods and not sure if I could be that regular guy again even if I wanted.
However I do think I was a regular guy at some point and I would have to say that most of my male friends have been regular guys so I will try to define it by sharing my experiences.
As I was growing up I received no training in relationships. My parents both worked but my Mother did the cooking and took care of me. I didn’t witness much love between my parents but they seemed to get along except I always thought my Father put up with too much ridicule and criticism from my Mother.
As I got older it appeared that if you were a good athlete you won a pretty girlfriend. I didn’t see them having to work too hard and when they drove around the girls hung on them. I focused on my studies and graduated first in my class which I guess was a negative although I did also play football which should have countered that some but didn’t.
Things changed when I went to college. I still had received no relationship training but I did fall in love for the first time. At that time I knew more about love I guess. She ended up going to a college far away so that ended and I met my future ex wife. We got married right after college.
At that point I just behaved naturally. I worked hard and got promoted. We had kids right away and my ex stayed home to take care of them. I did not think of us as being in a relationship but rather that we were a family. I did not wonder if she was getting enough attention and we each got our own space naturally. I got flowers at the expected times and so forth. She will agree that we had a happy and comfortable marriage. Maybe it was too comfortable.
So again no training in relationships during any of that time. I will condense the rest. My ex wife had an affair with my narcissist supposed friend. You know the type. They are now by all indications unhappily married as she works trying to make him happy. I was in a relationship for 5 years with a narcissistic woman until I gave up trying to make her happy. She said that I was selfish and didn’t care about her needs. I tried but needed some space. I suggested that I would be okay if I had 8 hours per week to myself. She said that was a sign that I was pulling away and didn’t know how to be in a relationship.
Well maybe that is true. I don’t know anymore. Nobody taught me or showed what you are supposed to do to make a woman happy. This morning I have just been drinking coffee and writing in this blog which I couldn’t have done if I was still with my ex girlfriend.
What I have observed is that most women married to regular guys are unhappy. A lot of them sure do want to have affairs. Trust me on this one. In fact a regular guy I know had his wife leave him for a Prince Charming guy who then cheated on her. She has since gotten cancer and my friend got an apartment for her and takes her to her treatments. I guess he does it because he is a regular guy.