The male Narcissist is a natural predator. He has a built in desire to win so he can maintain his tenuous grasp on superiority. More often than not he is going to go after the easiest prey of all: the unhappily married woman.
Let’s face it. At its best marriage is not easy. Marriage is full of ups and downs. You go through periods where you love a person and periods when you can’t stand being around him or her. If a couple is not careful the loving periods happen less and less often and they begin to drift away from each other.
But there seems to be something else going on with a lot of married women. So many of them are just so unhappy with their lives. I hear the same thing over and over. “My husband is just not romantic. All he does is comes home from work and sits down to watch TV. He doesn’t seem to do anything to show that he loves me and I am not going to ask for it. He should just do those things naturally if he loves and cherishes me.”
Both men and women have changed over the last fifty years in regards to their expectations about marriage but I think women have changed more. I think the majority of Fathers take a more active role in raising children now and that is a good thing. Maybe some men are more involved in cooking and cleaning these days but I suspect that is somewhat limited. Certainly more men expect that their wives will work outside the home but when you have two people tired all the time that can actually put more strain on a relationship.
But guys are still guys and once we have won our bride we want to settle into a comfortable home life so we can watch sports, pursue our hobbies and have our own space.
Women want more out of a marriage. I have no answer why. Maybe it is because so many grew up as children of divorce and have a void in their lives because of absent Fathers. Maybe the feminist movement coupled with a lesser stigma about divorce contributed to a different way of looking at life. Or maybe there are just too many movies that are romantic comedies. A woman friend of mine calls them “porn for women” because they create unrealistic ideas about what men should be like in a relationship.
A Narcissist can spot an unhappily married woman the way a shark smells blood. He is certainly up to the task of convincing this women to have an affair and even break up the marriage for several reasons.
For one he does not have the capacity to feel guilt or empathy. It means nothing to him that there is a man married to this woman, and although this man may not be Prince Charming he could be a very good man with a solid character. Also the fact that there are children involved may never enter his mind. The Narcissist is a reptile and will take what he can and may actually enjoy the pain he causes.
The second reason is that the Narcissist is often flashy and charismatic. He may be behind on child support and not saving any money for his children’s college education but you can be assured that he dresses well and has a nice car. He is the “bad boy” that can bring excitement to the bored and unhappy life of the married woman.
Finally, in an affair the couple’s time together is limited. This makes it easier not to show his true self. He will fill the times they are together with romance. For the woman starved for attention his flattery and seeming interest in just being with her feels like she just came off the desert and entered an oasis.
Okay let’s fast forward. The woman gets a divorce and either lives with or marries the Narcissist. I have seen one of two things happen. In some cases the pattern of mental and emotional abuse begins that the Narcissist thrives on. There are numerous examples of how he does that on other blogs on this site. However I have seen other cases where the Narcissist remains his charming self but that is because he has already started an affair with another woman. Of course neither case is a desirable outcome for the woman that finally thought she had a chance for happiness.
So beware any unhappily married woman that might be reading this. The grass is not always greener on the other side and you might be better off trying a little water and fertilizer on the lump of clay currently sitting on the couch.