The Narcissist is a Predator and Married Women are the Prey

The male Narcissist is a natural predator.  He has a built in desire to win so he can maintain his tenuous grasp on superiority.  More often than not he is going to go after the easiest prey of all: the unhappily married woman.   

Let’s face it. At its best marriage is not easy. Marriage is full of ups and downs. You go through periods where you love a person and periods when you can’t stand being around him or her.  If a couple is not careful the loving periods happen less and less often and they begin to drift away from each other. 

But there seems to be something else going on with a lot of married women. So many of them are just so unhappy with their lives. I hear the same thing over and over. “My husband is just not romantic. All he does is comes home from work and sits down to watch TV. He doesn’t seem to do anything to show that he loves me and I am not going to ask for it. He should just do those things  naturally if he loves and cherishes me.”

Both men and women have changed over the last fifty years in regards to their expectations about marriage but I think women have changed more.  I think the majority of Fathers take a more active role in raising children now and that is a good thing. Maybe some men are more involved in cooking and cleaning these days but I suspect that is somewhat limited. Certainly more men expect that their wives will work outside the home but when you have two people tired all the time that can actually put more strain on a relationship. 

But guys are still guys and once we have won our bride we want to settle into a comfortable home life so we can watch sports, pursue our hobbies and have our own space. 

Women want more out of a marriage.  I have no answer why. Maybe it is because so many grew up as children of divorce and have a void in their lives because of absent Fathers. Maybe the feminist movement coupled with a lesser stigma about divorce contributed to a different way of looking at life. Or maybe there are just too many movies that are romantic comedies. A woman friend of mine calls them “porn for women” because they create unrealistic ideas about what men should be like in a relationship. 

A Narcissist can spot an unhappily married woman the way a shark smells blood.  He is certainly up to the task of convincing this women to have an affair and even break up the marriage for several reasons. 

For one he does not have the capacity to feel guilt or empathy. It means nothing to him that there is a man married to this woman, and although this man may not be Prince Charming he could be a very good man with a solid character.  Also the fact that there are children involved may never enter his mind. The Narcissist is a reptile and will take what he can and may actually enjoy the pain he causes. 

The second reason is that the Narcissist is often flashy and charismatic. He may be behind on child support and not saving any money for his children’s college education but you can be assured that he dresses well and has a nice car. He is the “bad boy” that can bring excitement to the bored and unhappy life of the married woman. 

Finally, in an affair the couple’s time together is limited. This makes it easier not to show his true self.  He will fill the times they are together with romance. For the woman starved for attention his flattery and seeming interest in just being with her feels like she just came off the desert and entered an oasis. 

Okay let’s fast forward. The woman gets a divorce and either lives with or marries the Narcissist. I have seen one of two things happen. In some cases the pattern of mental and emotional abuse begins that the Narcissist thrives on. There are numerous examples of how he does that on other blogs on this site. However I have seen other cases where the Narcissist remains his charming self but that is because he has already started an affair with another woman.  Of course neither case is a desirable outcome for the woman that finally thought she had a chance for happiness. 

So beware any unhappily married woman that might be reading this. The grass is not always greener on the other side and you might be better off trying a little water and fertilizer on the lump of clay currently sitting on the couch. 


11 thoughts on “The Narcissist is a Predator and Married Women are the Prey

  1. No I think we have as a society gotten lazier. Everything is instant gratification n easy. My parents never stopped going out on dates. Just 1x a month. It kept them connected.

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    1. That is a good point. No relationships are definitely not a one way street. I guess my main point is that married women should be wary of anyone that pursues them while married because it shows a deficiency in character. I am a proponent of dealing with one relationship at a time. Although it can be difficult, sometimes it is necessary to tell your significant other that you are not happy and why. If there is no response, even after counseling then you may make a decision to move on but at least you gave them fair warning and a chance to improve.

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  2. These guys are scum. Once they hook you the use you then try and control you. Until they are done then they run off laughing. I had an affair with one. The texting was hot. The sex was not. Couldn’t tell him that though. He thought he was great. Chronic erectile dysfunction. Hounded me weekly for over a year for nude pictures and video chat just to humiliate me. Big man. Big mouth. 3 3/4 inch weenie. And he would never take no for an answer. What was sweet and charming turned into an angry and controlling ass. I was so glad to get caught just to get rid of him.

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      1. I am a CSA survivor. I don’t know what happened to me when I hit 45. Depression, mood swings, crying at night for no reason, and a lifetime of low self esteem. Them he showed up on fb. So charming. Made me feel happy and free. Of course that’s the picture he painted. He lived 9000 miles away. Worked on me for months and I liked it. Then he just showed up out of nowhere. I never thought I would see him. I felt safe behind my computer screen. It wasn’t real. Them he just showed up. I felt trapped, scared. That’s how the physical part happened. After that it was a nightmare. When my husband found out a year later I realized I knew nothing about my affair partner. Nothing. I didn’t even know where he lived. He would just “show up”. Never give me time to think about it. He never had any feelings for me. I was stupid. And when I got caught he said “hope you two work it out, take care.” I was hooked on the kudos….not the sex. That was plain awful. Three times in two years and it got worse each time. The last time it took 20 minutes for the pain to go away. And he would always pop up later and brag how good he was. He was a big nothing. Nothing compared to my husband. I really did affair down. I couldn’t post anything on face book about my husband and I without him popping up demanding degrading nude photos. If I was happy he beat me down to make me feel like a whore. I guess I was afraid of him. I was so glad to get caught. Not to hurt my husband…to get rid of him. And when my husband contacted him he turned into the biggest coward. A real chicken. That’s who he really was. Was I stupid? You bet. But I’m getting help for my issues. But he is still out there. And he has no remorse breaking up families, hurting children. He is a sick man and I fell for it.

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      2. I feel for you. Yours is a sad story but it sounds like it may have a happy ending. The fact that he simply said “I hope it works out for you” speaks volumes. He probably has a string of similar kinds of affairs and he knows that he can just fade away into cyberspace when they end. I want to do a post on the dangers of online dating because that is a tool that the Narcissist can use to his advantage. You don’t get to know the real person. You only get to know what he wants you to know. I truly hope that you and your husband can reconnect and build a wonderful future together. The grass is hardly ever greener on the other side.

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  3. I like the fact he is mean to me because it prevents me from getting any closer to him which is probably a good thing. The irony is he says he would like a relationship. I can’t see how he can even have one since he can’t feel love for anybody so therefore nobody will love him. That is why women just get tired, and move on. Sex is great, but that doesn’t make me want to stay.

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    1. I actually can relate to you saying that you like it that he is mean to you as messed up as it sounds. My Narcissistic ex would fly into a rage and yell at me for simple things like me not wanting to take a walk until the news was over. During those times I felt a strange sense of peace. I suppose it appealed to my resistance to commitment. I certainly wasn’t going to marry anyone that yelled at me! However I also now realize, since escaping from that 5 year relationship, that nobody needs to stay in an abusive relationship. What is keeping you in yours?

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  4. Well the reason he turned into a big chicken and ran was because he was in the military. It’s against the ucmj to commit adultery. But my husband found him living in Virginia. He asked me to file a police report with the military police which I gladly did. They copied his text messages and his little weiner photos along with his hotel receipts and sent it to his commander. Charged him with adultery and sending lewd pictures over the internet. That’s why he ran off so fast. He was scared and trying to save his butt. Big bully when it came to women, but when my husband went after him his spine slid out his butt. Spineless coward.

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